Thanksgiving

This year, our Thanksgiving was a very special occasion. About a week prior to the big day, Husband and I were talking and we realized this would be the first Thanksgiving we’ve spent together in two years. It just hadn’t dawned on us for some reason. The last Thanksgiving we were together was in 2005.

In September of 2006, he deployed to Iraq for his second year-long tour. We looked forward to being able to spend Thanksgiving together the next year, since he should have returned in late August or early September of 2007. Unfortunately, all Army deployments were extended from twelve to fifteen months right as husband neared the half-way point of the deployment. And with that, he spent two Thanksgivings in Iraq. Thankfully, he deployed in September, not October. If he’d deployed in October, he would have missed two Christmases too. Although I really enjoy Thanksgiving, Christmas was always the hardest holiday to get through when he was deployed.

The extension was an unexpected emotional blow, but I know it would have been so much worse had we also missed spending the Christmas holiday with him two years in a row. My heart broke for those families who weren’t as fortunate. Twelve months apart is hard, but for some reason, adding on those three extra months made it so much harder. So, this Thanksgiving, we all were most thankful for being able to spend the day together.

Daughter spent the morning helping me in the kitchen. We had such a good time talking and cooking together. She’s eleven, but looks like she’s a teenager. She’s almost as tall as me, can wear my shoes and clothes and she’s so mature. Sometimes I forget that she’s only eleven. Husband and son enjoyed some football and helped us get the table ready. After we ate, the men-folk did most of the cleanup saying it was the least they could do since daughter and I did all of the cooking.

After our bellies were full and the kitchen was cleaned up, daughter and I went and rented some movies. We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening watching Christmas movies and enjoying hot chocolate and the pie daughter made.

It was a great Thanksgiving and we’re looking forward to spending many more together now that he’s retired. I hope everyone else had a wonderful Thanksgiving too!

He’s HOME – and other updates

Husband finally returned home December 4th. They flew into our state around 10 pm that night and the babies and I made the 35 minute drive to post for the redeployment ceremony scheduled at 12:30 am. Thankfully the speeches were short and we were soon on our way home.

I’m sure the weather change was a shock for all the soldiers who returned home in December. The week after husband’s group returned, we had the huge ice storm hit. Not only did it delay some of the last group returning, those who were already home had the pleasure of getting some real quality time with their families ha! Most everyone in our area lost power. Some had power off and on for three or four days – others lost power completely for the four days. Emergency shelters were set up, hotels that had power were booked solid….

Gosh you should have seen the trees we had down in our small town. It was something to see for sure. Our power was out off and on for three days. The first day, we lost power after midnight and it came back on for three or four hours the next evening. Just long enough for us to get the house warmed up again. The next two days the power was out all day for the most part and then would come back on for a few hours, cut back off, then come back on in four or five hours. It was a HUGE mess and I’m sure it was even harder on the soldiers who weren’t acclimated.

Christmas came and went all too quickly. I had waited on husband to return to do the Christmas shopping for the babies. He was returning early enough in December and I thought we’d have plenty of time to do the shopping together. Well, with the ice storm and the power out – we ended up having to rush to finish up shopping. I enjoyed every second I had with husband and the fact we were able to do all the shopping together, but it sure went by too fast because that week of the storm we weren’t able to do anything but try to stay warm and keep the water pipes in the house from freezing.

Husband’s 30 days of leave also went by too fast. He returned to work last week. A lot of folks are still on leave, so his work schedule, thankfully, isn’t quite normal just yet. We’re still able to enjoy spending some extra time together with PT not part of the schedule and him not working until 7 pm. He’s able to be home in the mornings to take the babies to school on his way to work and be home early enough to help with homework in the afternoons and sit down with us for supper.

Whelp, guess that’ll catch up the ol’ blog here with the latest happenings. Hope everyone’s year is off to a good start!

Bull SHIT….

Check out this article:  In icy Alaska, U.S. Army can be sued over fall

Here’s the great quote of the piece:

An injured woman who slipped in an Alaskan parking lot can sue the federal government for failing to remove snow and ice, a U.S. Court of Appeals ruled on Monday.

Carol Bolt has been permanently disabled since April 1999, when she broke her ankle outside her U.S. Army apartment in Fort Wainwright, Alaska, where winter temperatures fall to as low as -65 F degrees (-54 C).

[RANT-ON]
HERE is the kicker for those of us who have LIVED in Alaska’s interior…IF SHE LIVED ON BASE IT WAS HER RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP HER SIDEWALKS AND DRIVE CLEAR! So if she slipped it was HER FAULT for not clearing the snow!!

You know how many freaking hours I have shoveled that fucking white shit? FOUR LONG YEARS of shoveling it. Had a brand new baby and a toddler the last two years we lived on base – and left the front door open where I could see them in the little mud room while I tried to keep the sidewalk and drive clear when we’d get five feet of snow in an evening. Yeah FUN – all the while husband was gone being a soldier and I not only raised two babies, I shoveled snow and worked 50 hours a week mostly ALONE. And this lazy ass doesn’t clear her walk and now it’s the government’s job to clear the sidewalks and she gets a freaking payday too?

I’m glad my husband is retiring – the shit that is taking over and the freaking suits allowing them to make me sick.

[/RANT-OFF]…..

Preparing for the Return

As this deployment finally nears its end, the preparations will begin in earnest today. I’ve deliberately put off the major house cleaning until this weekend. There are several reasons I decided to wait until almost the last minute. The main reason being, the last two weeks seem to always be the hardest for me. I go from being so excited about seeing him again that it feels as if my heart might explode from beating so hard – to being either short tempered (road rage anyone?) or wanting to cry. The days seem to go from twenty-four hours to seventy-two. Each day is longer than the last and feels as though they may never end. So, putting off the spring cleaning will hopefully help make the weekend go by a lot faster. And, with two children, dogs and a cat – hopefully I’ll only have to vacuum the stairs once heh heh.

Big plans for today though. We’re getting laundry done early so I can take down the living room curtains and wash them. While they are in the wash, I’ll clean the windows – and do a project I’ve been putting off for oh – about a year lol. I’m going to get my trusty caulk gun out and caulk around the window frames. With our house being almost 100 years old, the cold comes right in around the wood trim. Figure while I have the curtains down, it’d be the perfect time finally get around to that caulking job I’ve been procrastinating on.

Husband called last week and the babies and I knew it would be the last time he was able to call. On one hand, we were excited to know we were slowly getting closer to his return, but on the other – not hearing from him is hard.

When husband came home the last time, daughter had done so great through the entire year. We all held it together as best we could and tried to go through the motions of normal life even on the days when we didn’t much want to. The day of his return finally arrived. When the group walked in and daughter saw her Dad, she sat down in the chair, put her face in her little hands and just sobbed. Daughter isn’t much of a crier, so to see her just completely let go of everything she’d held in was hard. And, I felt pretty helpless…all I could do is tell her it was ok, he’s finally home now and we can all take a deep breath…

So, when daughter was fighting tears on the phone with him, I knew she was finally taking that deep breath and letting some of “it” come to the surface. She’s like her Dad and finds it easy to just stuff emotions and not quite deal with them in the moment. When I got back on the phone with husband he was pretty worried about her. I tried to reassure him that it was just the way it works and she’d be ok.

Later that evening, she’d come back downstairs after going to bed and her eyes were all red. She said she didn’t know why she was crying. She sat down in the living room and we had a good talk. I told her it was just what happens when the deployment starts coming to an end. While you’re so excited about the reunion, I guess it allows all the other emotions you’ve felt over the last 15 months to come to the surface too. At month two, five, nine etc. you are focusing on the day to day. You have school work or an upcoming holiday or whatever is going on to focus your mind and energy on. When you near the end though, your mind starts focusing on seeing him again – what you’ll do on the weekends with him home, him being able to hear about your day at school etc. and all that thinking brings other emotions with it. While you focus on seeing him again, some of the sadness from everything he’s missed seems to tag along for the ride. So, if you feel like crying, go ahead! It’s completely normal and might even make you feel better.

Well, better get busy this morning. I’ve got another post or two simmering that I’m going to try to get to later on this afternoon when I take a break from the cleaning. Hope you all have a good weekend!

Sorry (and other Ramblings)

I hadn’t realized I’d not updated my blog in almost two months. Sheesh I suck.

Sorry.

Lets see, what’s new? For the last month we seemed to have ran through every sickness the local school system has to offer. Son had the tummy flu – which was 24 hours of puking. Then he had the barking cough that lasted two weeks. Daughter then had her turn at strep…then this week she caught the cold from hell and was out of school a day. I’ve felt like crap, but I think it is just being exhausted from the two weeks I was up with son every night.

*sigh*

We made it through Halloween though. Son went as a football player and daughter dressed up as Hannah Montana.

That leaves us ONE MORE HOLIDAY to make it through before husband will finally be home. I’m certainly not looking forward to the three of us being alone on Thanksgiving, but the silver lining is knowing not long afterwards, our family should be together again. And, with retirement approved, I hope it is the last time we’ll ever be separated.

I’ll try to write more tomorrow…

One Year – Twelve Months….

or three hundred sixty five days. Any way you cut it, it still sucks.

I couldn’t figure out yesterday why I was so down in the dumps. It finally dawned on me. September 20th, 2006 husband left for Iraq for his second tour. I guess I’m glad, looking back, that I didn’t know at the time that it’d be fifteen months instead of “just” twelve. It would have just made the good-bye even worse…

So much has happened in the last year. And, here we are facing another three months. It’s better than another twelve, but it still sucks just the same.

And I reserve the right to continue to bitch and whine for 90 more days ha!

Advertise He’s Gone or Not….

that is the question (and other ramblings of course).

I took daughter and son to the park last week and met one of daughter’s friends and her mother. Her husband will deploy this fall and in the course of letting them play, we talked quite a bit.

She mentioned that she’s not putting up a blue star banner while he’s gone so as to not advertise that she has a deployed husband. I told her my banner’s been up since the last time he deployed and will stay up until he retires. My neighbor has one – for his son deployed in the Navy and so do a lot of folks in town.

On the back of my car I have a magnet that says “Half of my heart is in Iraq.” It’d been packed up in a box in the basement with other memories from the last deployment and when he deployed again, I dug through the box and put it back on my car. I told her that I probably shouldn’t advertise, but it’s a small town and everyone already knows. That I’m just sure to put the bee in everyone’s bonnet that I’m a hillbilly from Alabama, I’ve been shooting guns since I was old enough to ride a bike, I’m a member of the NRA and I’m a damn good shot. Not sure if it scared her LMAO or she now thinks I’m a nut, but hey – I refuse to allow anyone to think I’d be an easy target.

I’m proudly armed and as God is my witness, as my two big dogs try to eat your ass off (a rottweiler and my “police dog” aka German Shepherd who sticks by my side religiously) I’ll be taking aim. If you get in, you’re going out toes up. I’ll be damned if I’m going to become a victim in my own home…the ONE place we should be safest. No matter where I am in this house, there’s a firearm within reach and I make NO apologies for that. The world is just a sad, sick place these days and taking chances is not something I do.

Would I suggest that all military spouses advertise they are alone? Of course not. If we were still in Virginia or even North Pole Alaska living out in the woods, I probably would do things differently. Our small town is pretty decent – or was. I’m starting to see a bit of “rough around the edges” folks in our neighborhood and downtown. But, I have a retired policeman living next door and his German Shepherd IS a retired police dog. A local policeman lives a few houses down, a policeman for another small town not far from here lives at the end of the street and a state trooper lives two doors down from him. I have great neighbors who keep an eye on everything and until yesterday I was pretty secure in my feeling safe.

My across the street neighbor is moving however. And she came over to talk yesterday while my babies were outside riding their bikes. We were out from about 4pm until 5:30 – just sitting on my front steps watching our children play and yacking it up. We’d just became pretty good friends right before school got out, so I’m truly sad to see them leave. Her husband is a reserve policeman for a neighboring town too – so that made three policeman and one retired policeman within a block lol. Just super people and it’s just my luck to finally get a great friend about my age in my town – only to have them move. And, just to clarify, they aren’t military and never have been.

At any rate, while we sat outside, these two rough looking characters come schlepping down the sidewalk. They avoid eye contact – which tells me they’re up to no good. One looked like an eighties rocker wannabe reject – the other just a dirty bum. About half an hour later, rocker reject comes back down the block without his buddy, once again avoiding all eye contact. Not twenty minutes later, here comes another guy on a bike…again, we live in a neighborhood with doctors, retired teachers, cops – these people CLEARLY do not live on our street or in our neighborhood.

And what is the ONE thing every fucking bum IS making eye contact with? Yeppers, my mid-life crisis car sitting out front with the big ol’ advertisement on the back of it that I’m living in this old house all by my lonesome. So, I’m guessing after eleven months everyone in town knows and there’s really no point in removing it. But with these characters walking around the neighborhood here lately, I’m starting to lean toward the NOT advertising side of the fence.

I talked to my next door neighbor who is a retired policeman about these two characters and he’s telling me about another regular that he sees snooping around at least once a week when folks are usually at work. He said he makes it a point to come out on the porch and stare at him heh heh. And I’ll be damned if while we’re talking, that fucker doesn’t come slithering by too….

Am I paranoid? Yep, usually am. It’s just my nature I guess…I was bad when I was in my twenties, but have progressively gotten worse after becoming a Mom. I think the fact that I’m not physically able to defend myself like I could have done five years ago also worries me. Where I used to could bench press about 100 pounds, squat 200 to 250 pounds, and worked out six days a week and now a good day is being able to make it through Wal-Mart… Well, it’s a huge adjustment and I’m sure somewhere inside (now that I’m writing and thinking about it), the fact I know I’m not able to fight off someone if needed, most likely impacts my feelings of security too. Probably another reason why I’ve purchased one firearm since husband left and have plans to buy another gun in the next few weeks heh heh.

Well, this got off topic a bit, but the question remains…advertise or not? It’s a personal choice and there’s no right answer per se. However, for most spouses who may be like me and live far from any family, I’d say not. It’s better to be safe, than sorry.

Regardless, watch your surroundings, vary your routine, have a plan of action for everything from a house fire to a home invasion.

Don’t keep the same lights on (or off) when you go to bed or leave your house. Keep outsiders guessing on whether you are in bed asleep or a night owl awake and watching TV. It’s often too easy to pick up on people’s regular habits, so make sure your own routine isn’t clear to outsiders. And as always, above all, whether at home or while you’re out and about, watch your surroundings and listen to your inner voice….we have that “inner voice” for a reason, so pay attention .

Finding My Way Back…

A week and one day…that’s how long it’s been since husband got on a plane headed back to the litter box full of turds on the other side of the world.

I keep trying to remind myself that it’s only been a week – but at the same time, my rational voice keeps yelling at me to get over it, he was only home two weeks. How settled could you have truly gotten in two freaking weeks? Stop the pity party and get on with it.

The Army makes a big deal about soldiers coming home – and how they need to take things slowly, how things may be different or take time to feel “normal.” Husband and I never have had that problem though. Each time he comes home, we’re both amazed at how it feels as though he was never gone.

The first time he deployed to the middle east, he wasn’t gone a year. So, when he came back and things were immediately back to normal, we didn’t think much of it. When he went a second time in 2003 to the middle east and was gone an entire year in Ramadi, Iraq, I worried that we might have a hard time adjusting when he came home. The year he spent in Ramadi was hard on both of us – he lost friends and co-workers and the stress on the families here at home was awful. It was a long, emotional year. When he came home though, again, it was as though he’d never been gone. The minute we saw each other, everything fell right back into place.

This tour hasn’t been as hard emotionally here at home. Ramadi was just a rough place and where he is now, while it’s not all wine and roses, it’s definitely not as bad as the last time. The R&R had me a bit worried though. Since we didn’t have this experience before, I worried a bit. Not so much about the reunion, but the good-bye being again so soon…

When we picked him up at the airport, the minute we hugged him it was as it’s always been…like he was never gone.

__________________________________________

Well, he’s now been gone two weeks and one day. Last week I just closed myself up in this house and went between wanting to cry and being pissed at the world. My normal adjustment. Anger is my defense mechanism. Always has been I guess and unfortunately I can do it OH SO well heh heh.

I let myself have a good long sob in the bathroom on Friday – and unfortunately my children heard. I just detest that…on the one hand I want them to know it’s ok to cry and grieve when Daddy goes away, but at the same time, the only glue holding us together these days is me. I’m not a big crier in front of my children, so when I do cry it scares them and that’s the last thing they need.

After enough years of this, I know this is my normal. It doesn’t make it any easier though. The anger part is slowly subsiding. By the time the babies head back to school at the end of August, hopefully I’ll have my shit together. I just honestly didn’t think him being home two weeks would make this deployment feel as though we’re starting ALL over again. I’m such an idiot….I should have known.

At any rate, August starts tomorrow. Month NUMBER ELEVEN. Four more to go. I still have to make it through son’s birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving and if my luck is as usual, Christmas too. Just sucks and I’m not quite ready to say I’m done with my pity party for one. Almost, but I’m just not quite there….

Damn I miss you and I cannot wait until the day is here when you’re finally home for good….I love you so very much.

Long Time No Post…

Yep, I suck big time. I can’t believe it’s been over two months since I’ve blogged. I get online regularly, with every intention of updating my blog. However, after reading my favorite blogs and news sites, I end up running out of time or can’t seem to find anything remotely interesting to write about.

I titled this post and wrote the first sentence at 9:30 tonight – and here it is now 10:31 and I struggled to finish the first paragraph. I used to could write three pages on any topic I could think up. These days, I feel like I’m doing good if I can write husband an email that won’t bore him to tears.

Lets see. I guess I could tell ya what we’ve been up to the last two months. We spent a lot of time at the baseball field. Son played Coach-Pitch this year and had a wonderful time! He picked up the basics really quickly and enjoyed not only the games, but practicing catching and hitting in the backyard with daughter and I. I don’t know who enjoyed the games more – me or him lol. This age is so much fun to watch…all of us parents cheer for all the players on both teams and we all get quite a few laughs at how easily they get distracted in the outfield by birds, the dirt on the field, clouds etc.

The absolute best part was the fact that husband was able to be here for his last few games. I’d sent pictures of son playing of course, but that’s not the same as being there. And, personally, it stinks to go to the games alone week after week. It’s hard to sit there in the bleachers alone while surrounded by couples. The worst though, is seeing the look on your baby’s face when a team-mate yells, “Daddy, did you see that?!” That look of sadness mixed with a touch of envy that only other military families know and understand…the look that breaks your heart and hurts your soul. So, having husband home was wonderful, but having him make it home in time to watch son finish out his first season of baseball was something truly special.

I’m thankful husband was able to come home on R&R this time around. Had they not been extended, he probably wouldn’t have gotten it this tour either. Of course, if I had my rathers lol, we would have skipped R&R and he’d only be gone 12 months and not 15. My opinion was not sought though, damn it . Anyhow, husband’s just from the old school I guess – where you put your folks first. Therefore, there was no way in hell he would get on a plane until all his people had gone home on R&R first. Sometimes it sucks lol being married to a great soldier who truly cares about those he works with, but jokes aside, I understand his thinking and I deeply admire his character and integrity. And, I’m so proud to be his wife.

We had a wonderful two weeks together. We’d considered going on vacation while he was here, but in the end, we stayed close to home and just enjoyed our time together as a family. I was afraid I’d blink and the two weeks would be over. However, we were surprised that the first week didn’t go by too fast. That last week though, whew. Before we knew it, the time to take him back to the airport was here and damn was it hard on all four of us.

While he was home, we celebrated daughter’s 10th birthday. We just cannot believe she’s already 10 years old. I honestly don’t know how ten years have passed by that quickly. She’s so grown up already and we know she’ll be heading to college before we are ready. Talking to her, you’d think she was ten going on seventeen – she’s just so mature for her age.

We had a lot of talks about retirement while he was home. He’s decided when he’s dropping his paperwork and pretty much already has it figured out when he’ll start terminal leave in 2008. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about him retiring. That worry being that he won’t find something else to do that he truly enjoys like he has enjoyed his 24 years in the Army. I want him to be happy and I worry that he just won’t be happy once he retires. He assures me he’s beyond ready. Says he’s tired, he’s getting old etc.

With retirement upon the horizon, while he was home we decided to go ahead and get rid of one of the Mustangs. With two children and two large dogs, two muscle cars weren’t going to work in the long haul. We really did need a family vehicle, so I didn’t protest too much lol. We looked around and test drove a number of different SUVs and ended up getting a good deal on a Jeep Commander. It’s roomy and because it’s silver with a gray interior, it’s MUCH cooler to get into than my red Mustang with black leather interior lol. It rides so nice and the babies are loving being able to take a bunch of toys with them when we drive the thirty plus minutes to go to Walmart or the commissary . I hate to give up the red Mustang, but husband deserves to drive the muscle car – and it’s time my mid-life crisis comes to an end LMAO. As long as I’ll get to drive it once in a while, I’ll be fine lol.

Whelp, guess that’s all the updates I have. Last Monday we took husband to the airport. I’ve spent the last week trying to find my way back to being ok without him home. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m slowly finding my way back… I’ll be so glad when this deployment is finally over – and hopefully, it will be the last time we ever spend even one night apart.