As this deployment finally nears its end, the preparations will begin in earnest today. I’ve deliberately put off the major house cleaning until this weekend. There are several reasons I decided to wait until almost the last minute. The main reason being, the last two weeks seem to always be the hardest for me. I go from being so excited about seeing him again that it feels as if my heart might explode from beating so hard – to being either short tempered (road rage anyone?) or wanting to cry. The days seem to go from twenty-four hours to seventy-two. Each day is longer than the last and feels as though they may never end. So, putting off the spring cleaning will hopefully help make the weekend go by a lot faster. And, with two children, dogs and a cat – hopefully I’ll only have to vacuum the stairs once heh heh.
Big plans for today though. We’re getting laundry done early so I can take down the living room curtains and wash them. While they are in the wash, I’ll clean the windows – and do a project I’ve been putting off for oh – about a year lol. I’m going to get my trusty caulk gun out and caulk around the window frames. With our house being almost 100 years old, the cold comes right in around the wood trim. Figure while I have the curtains down, it’d be the perfect time finally get around to that caulking job I’ve been procrastinating on.
Husband called last week and the babies and I knew it would be the last time he was able to call. On one hand, we were excited to know we were slowly getting closer to his return, but on the other – not hearing from him is hard.
When husband came home the last time, daughter had done so great through the entire year. We all held it together as best we could and tried to go through the motions of normal life even on the days when we didn’t much want to. The day of his return finally arrived. When the group walked in and daughter saw her Dad, she sat down in the chair, put her face in her little hands and just sobbed. Daughter isn’t much of a crier, so to see her just completely let go of everything she’d held in was hard. And, I felt pretty helpless…all I could do is tell her it was ok, he’s finally home now and we can all take a deep breath…
So, when daughter was fighting tears on the phone with him, I knew she was finally taking that deep breath and letting some of “it” come to the surface. She’s like her Dad and finds it easy to just stuff emotions and not quite deal with them in the moment. When I got back on the phone with husband he was pretty worried about her. I tried to reassure him that it was just the way it works and she’d be ok.
Later that evening, she’d come back downstairs after going to bed and her eyes were all red. She said she didn’t know why she was crying. She sat down in the living room and we had a good talk. I told her it was just what happens when the deployment starts coming to an end. While you’re so excited about the reunion, I guess it allows all the other emotions you’ve felt over the last 15 months to come to the surface too. At month two, five, nine etc. you are focusing on the day to day. You have school work or an upcoming holiday or whatever is going on to focus your mind and energy on. When you near the end though, your mind starts focusing on seeing him again – what you’ll do on the weekends with him home, him being able to hear about your day at school etc. and all that thinking brings other emotions with it. While you focus on seeing him again, some of the sadness from everything he’s missed seems to tag along for the ride. So, if you feel like crying, go ahead! It’s completely normal and might even make you feel better.
Well, better get busy this morning. I’ve got another post or two simmering that I’m going to try to get to later on this afternoon when I take a break from the cleaning. Hope you all have a good weekend!
