A Funny….

My computer is trying to die on me, little by little. Last weekend, my email on Outlook crapped out and it took me until tonight to find the “give a shit” to fix it.

Anywho, my Dad sent me this one and I thought it was pretty damn funny so I’m passing it on. Hope you enjoy!

Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Eh – Life sucks…

Usually it’s February when I get the blahs and as March rolls in with some sun, I get going again. This year, seems like it hit me about the time they were extended and I just haven’t been able to get myself back to putting one foot in front of the other. I’m trying though…

I just turned our air on for the first time this year. *sigh* reminds me of before husband left for some reason. I guess what has my funk going is we’d just hit the half-way mark, working on that down hill until he gets home time – when all of a sudden we aren’t even HALF way done yet. Just sucks four ways to nothing is all. My big pity party for one…

After years and years of living far from my family, I’m all of a sudden so HOMESICK for some reason. I want to be around people who love me even when I might not like myself too much. I want to drive down the road I traveled most of my life to get “home” and have that feeling of being “home” again…I want to see the sign “Welcome to Alabama The Beautiful” and get butterflies knowing I’m *almost* there. I want to scream down I-20 and get off at MY exit….and know every back road, every street name and pass down the main avenue that has huge trees that shade every aspect. I want to sing Hank Jr’s “A Country Boy Can Survive” as I drive up my Momma’s driveway. I want to go shooting with my new gun, my step-father and my brother. I want to see my best friend from childhood and put my children on one of her horses and teach them something I used to could do so well… I mostly want to sleep that good hard, deep sleep that you can sleep when people who love you (and are a great shot lol) surround you and you don’t have to listen for babies or strange noises. I want to eat my Momma’s fried green tomatoes, home made pole beans, fried okra and every other southern dish that she can whip out like no one else on this earth. And, I want to see my children laughing and being spoiled by Grandma and Pawpaw….

*big sigh*

With my pity party over for the moment lol, Ford called yesterday and MY NEW STRIPE KIT IS IN!!!! Yep, ordered the stripe kit and hood pins through Ford Racing and they will put the stripes on Monday!!! Still waiting on hood pins. Not sure what they are? Look at a new Shelby GT500 – stripes and pins will be the same.

I’d noticed that this yellow mustang GT in town had the stripe kit I want on and made the joke that they put my stripe kit on a yellow car to make the sell and I should get a discount lol. Whelp, they said since we’d been waiting over a month and I was suppose to be the first in town with this kit, I WILL get a discount. WOOHOO!

Other news, I found out today that TRICARE will allow me to see my civilian doc and PAY FOR IT!!! I’ve been paying out of pocket so I can keep the same doc and not have to change every 6 months when my doc on post retires, deploys or gets out of the Army. SUCH a relief. Right now, $65 every month to see a doc is no big deal, but once he retires, money will be a lot different. We’ll have to pay the premium, pay for our tags with personal property tax (which we don’t pay now because he’s not a resident of our state). So, having TRICARE say – ok, he’s now your primary care manager – thanks for stopping by – is just a HUGE relief!!!

Lets see, nothing else going on. Daughter is stuck in her room all weekend. I caught her in a lie yesterday and her punishment is NO PHONE, NO TV and to clean up her nasty room . She can sit in there and read all weekend. Maybe next time she wants to be dishonest, she’ll think twice.

Whelp, better go fix some vittles. I’ll be back probably Thursday or so. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

I’m alive…

When I last updated, I mentioned my cold. Well, turned out not to be just a cold, but a bug that I thought might end up killing me eventually. Honestly, yesterday was the first day in weeks where I felt good the entire day.

The Saturday after I posted, I ended up in the ER. The night before my head started hurting and by Saturday morning, after not sleeping and no cold medicine seeming to help, I decided it was the only choice I had. I rarely ever get headaches – and this one was the equivalent of someone smashing me in the forehead with a hammer over and over, hour after hour. I couldn’t lay down because it hurt worse if I did. Bending over was agony. For all the libtards out there who want “free” healthcare, you get to look forward to what I experienced that day when the government runs the entire country’s medical care. Almost 8 hours in the ER with a raging headache, babies and children screaming – then being put in a room and it taking two hours for a doc to finally grace us with his presence. Hell, I could diagnose myself – I knew it was a sinus infection. However, almost 8 hours and one X-ray later, I finally left with an antibiotic.

The sinus infection slowly cleared up, but the antibiotic didn’t do much for my cough or feeling completely worn out and achy. While I was sick, the laundry piled up and the house was pretty well a mess. Pretty much the way it goes when you’re sick and live far from any family. You’re on your own…

I’m finally feeling better though. Yesterday I did a lot of cleaning and today I’m trying to put a dent in our laundry situation. Unfortunately, we were all up most of the night due to bad thunderstorms. This morning, little guy seems to have come down with a stomach flu. Anything he eats or drinks comes right back up.

*sigh*

Our luck just hasn’t been very good the past few weeks and apparently May isn’t going to be much better…

I’m so ready for a vacation.

Updates and Extension…

During spring break, I kept the roads hot. The babies and I went somewhere every single day to get the hell out of this house. Went to the mall, went to Walmart, spent time in the yard…

I met a new friend. A WO’s (Warrant Officer’s) wife is wanting to buy a Mustang GT, so our husbands hooked us up lol. The more they talked about us, apparently the more they thought we have in common and that we’d hit it off. They were right. We met at the last VTC (Video Teleconference) two weeks ago after emailing and talking on the phone. She drove my car and fell in love . A gal after my own heart – someone who is as crazy about cars as I am lol.

Husband gave me the go-ahead on getting the Shelby stripe kit put on my car…the stripes go all the way down the front bumper and rear bumper instead of stopping on the hood like mine do. Ford here in town has ordered them from Ford Racing. They also ordered hood pins that they’ll put on too. I’m pretty excited about it…about the only thing that interests me these days is my car, so why not spend a little money on it. I plan on keeping this car. Figure in 25 years, it’ll be worth some money – plus, I just love the thing. Haven’t loved a car like this since I was 16 and given the keys and title to my old muscle car.

The down side is the car had a TSB come out on it concerning the fuel pump. Ford replaced it, but now my gas gauge isn’t working. I was just going to get them to fix it when they put on the new stripes, but now my check engine light is on. So, I’ll take it in on Monday at 8 and they’ll fix her up for me. I’m not thrilled that I’ve had this car for six months and it’s already been in the shop three times, but our Ford store here in my small town is so good to me. They know my name, what Mustangs we own, walked me into the showroom yesterday just to show me the Shelby GT-H they had on the showroom floor because they know what a nut I am over these new Mustangs. So, I plan on writing the Ford Corporation once they get done with the stripe kit, hood pins and the few problems that are going on with it and let them know what a great bunch of folks they have working here in our town. Lots of folks write letters when they are pissed – and I’m one of those, trust me. But, I also try to write letters of praise too.

Anyhow, I’ve had a stupid cold for three days. So, yesterday I had taken some cold medicine, got on the couch and slept for a bit while the babies were in school. I decided to check out the news right quick around 2 – and that’s when I saw the news conference on the troop extension.

I’ll be honest…it just breaks my heart. I’d just talked to husband yesterday morning and he was seriously considering staying in. They’d offered him another 1SG job in another company when he got back and he thought he’d do two more years as long as it was going to be a PCS move (where we’d be locked in here two more years) AND they weren’t slotted to be deployed within the first six months he was back. Then the extension… He says now, nope, he’s done. This helped him make up his mind that he’s too old for this shit.

My FIL does a lot for the military in his state. He was being interviewed by the media last night and wanted my take on the extension. I told him what bothered me most is the fact that the soldiers and families were not told beforehand. WE should have been given a head’s up. We’re the ones paying the price for this and we deserved the courtesy of finding out through the chain of command, not Fox News. I know the Sec of Defense says he’s mad about the leak – well, prove it. Find out who leaked it and ruin their career. I’m sick of this leaking bull shit and then nothing ever gets done. We all just continue to pay the freaking price for these selfish fucks who talk to the press when they shouldn’t be.

Personally, I think if they’d asked the soldiers, they’d have preferred the possibility of not being home an entire 12 months versus doing 15 months. A year in combat is just too long…15 months has to be awful. A year is just a long time away from home and to live in constant danger. Pushing them even more – well, I don’t have the answer, but I personally think if soldiers and their families have to sacrifice, ALL branches should have to. Bump everyone three months…why are only Army soldiers the ones who must go the extra mile? I understand other branches are smaller – so tack on a month to them – but make it across the board that all get burned. And how about lets go back to WWII and make ALL OF AMERICA sacrifice something? This war is just as important to our future as WWII was in my opinion…yet only the military and their families are paying the price. Everyone else can just turn off the news and go on about their lives as if nothing is happening.

I don’t give two fucks about Imus insulting black women. Until they raise as much hell about the ghetto/hip hop culture disgracing their women and corrupting their children they can all shut the fuck up about some stupid, old drunk’s three word snafu. And as far as Anna – tell me one thing she did for anyone to make her so popular? I’m sorry she’s dead but she dug her own grave and those around her helped her. I just can’t seem to give two shits when Iran just punked out the West, we’re calling 15 hostages heroes for being captured and then immediately rolling over and saying it was their fault….when our Vietnam POWs resisted their captors for weeks, months, years – all the while being TORTURED. We’re trying to buy North Korea again and we will get the same result. Iran is killing our soldiers, kidnapping sailors and building nukes and we’re worried about Anna Nicole and Don fucking Imus?

Please. It’s sickening.

So, I’m off to nurse my cold, feel sorry for myself because husband will now miss two Christmases in a row, my car has to go back in the shop and it’s suppose to SNOW again tomorrow night lol. Damn, can I get some good news?! Apparently not lol.

I’ll talk to yall next week sometime. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Spring Break

is fast approaching. So, I’ll be taking some time to spend outside of the house with the chilt’ens while the weather is good. I should be back around the 23rd…

Hope you all have a great week!

Edited to Add: Ok, maybe not all week….the weather has gotten cold again lol.

Monday Morning Blues…

When husband left, he filled up the gas tank and put his car in the garage. I’d planned on letting it sit there until he came home for several reasons. The main being, looking at it makes me want to cry. I’m not sure if anyone else feels as I do, but in my opinion, a person’s car reflects them…especially if it’s a car they really like.

Looking at his car makes me extremely sad. It reminds me of how lonely I am, makes me want to cry – and at least once – seeing it made me physically ill. About two months after he left, I’d gone to the garage to get something and I had completely forgotten his damn car was in there. My mind was a million miles away – but when I opened the door, it’s as if someone punched me right in the gut. I quickly turned out of the garage door towards the yard and tossed my cookies. Poor son was coming across the patio as this fiasco was going down and asks if I’m ok. In my defense (I swear I’m not a TOTAL nutcase), I had been fighting the flu for a week so I’m sure that had some to do with it. When I opened that door though – the sight of his car was just too much. After fertilizing the yard, I just shut the door and locked it back. Whatever it was that I needed could wait. Now I don’t even remember why I went out there…

I talked to my Dad Saturday and the subject of husband’s car came up. He asked if I was driving it or if it was still in the garage. I told him it was still in the garage and I’d planned on leaving it there until either husband came home for R & R or came home for good. He said to check to see if where we buy our gas has ethanol and if it does, to consider getting it out of the garage.

When the babies and I went to the store for a soda Saturday afternoon, I checked and our gas station doesn’t have ethanol in their gas. On the way home though, I thought it was probably best if I started driving his car. Our neighbor happened to be out, so it was the perfect opportunity to get the car out. Our garage doors are old and apparently have something missing that makes them easy to open. The doors are too heavy for me to open, hence the need for a male neighbor to lend their strength to the situation heh heh. So, I pulled the car around to the front of the house and spent the rest of the weekend trying to avoid the front yard.

This morning, when I came home from taking the babies to school, I sure wished I’d left it in the garage. I know I need to drive it, but facing it first thing in the morning is enough to depress the hell out of me. Just makes me miss him even more…with it sitting there, just like when he’s home, well, it makes the lonely worse for some stupid reason.

I did drive it this afternoon to pick up the babies from school though. It’s apparent that I am extremely rusty in the manual transmission department. The phrase, “Can’t find ‘em, grind ‘em” came to mind several times as I tried to find reverse the first few times lol.

*sigh*

We’re almost to the halfway mark. On the twentieth he’ll have been gone six months. Although last deployment he didn’t get R&R, this time, he’s suppose to. I’m not holding my breath, but if so, we’ll get to see him in three months or so. And, I cannot wait…

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Damn Snow…

I’d bet we got over 4 inches of snow yesterday. My car is completely covered…it’s so deep, the dogs’ bellies are just shy of being in the snow. Gosh I’m sick of snow. And, having to drive in this mess tomorrow morning just scares the shit out of me.

Yes, after four years in Alaska, I can drive in the snow and ice better than most people in this particular state. I just miss my Explorer and am kicking myself in the ass right now for buying this Mustang and not buying either another Explorer or the Jeep. That Mustang has the traction control shit on it, but honestly – it’s not much help on ice. That rear end still wants to slide out from under you if you’re not real careful and the antilock brakes do a lot of popping.

This snow is so deep compared to last weekend’s snow, I really do dread getting out tomorrow morning to take the babies to school. Guess I’ll get out there this afternoon and try to at least get most of the snow off the damn thing so I don’t have to do it tomorrow morning.

Just damn.

The "Games People Play" Meme…

Erica over at Erica’s Blog tagged me to tell five things that folks may not know about me.

This is going to take some thinkin’. I’m pretty much an open book, so most likely what I come up with, all who know me will know these things too. I’ll give it a try though – here goes:

1. I’ve only seen one celebrity in person and that was Kenny Chesney. We’d just closed on our old house. Before moving in, we were staying at a local hotel the first week. We’d come out to the house and work all day, then we’d get something to eat on the way back to the hotel.

Well, the first six months in our old house was extremely stressful. Everything I thought would be easy was anything but. That first week – well, I was completely overwhelmed. I was terrified that I’d talked husband into a horrible horrible mistake and he made it no secret that he HATED this house which just compounded me feeling completely awful about the entire situation. We were so worn out – and it’d not even been a week we’d owned the place.

One evening, we stopped at the local Burger King and ate. I don’t remember us saying a word – we were just in a daze from the complete mess we had facing us in the kitchen. After eating, we got up and tossed the trash and with our two babies, headed to the front door of the restaurant. As we headed out, three or four men were coming in. I didn’t really look at any of the men, but said, “I’m sorry, excuse us” to the small man in the doorway. I overheard one of the men say, “Wow, that was odd, huh?” I thought, what was so damn odd about saying excuse me…

Outside, I think it was daughter who said, “Wasn’t that Kenny Chesney?” The light bulb went off…DING DING DING DING…that WAS Kenny Chesney – the small guy I’d said excuse me to! We couldn’t believe we just walked right past him and in our “old house horror daze” hadn’t even realized it until our four year old pointed it out LMBO! Sure enough, out in the parking lot was the huge tour bus that had his name on the side. I wanted to go back to our hotel room and get the camera, but husband said no lol. Said the guy probably enjoyed being ignored and treated like a normal person ha! And, once I thought about it, I knew he was right. I bet out of all the fans he’s ever met, he’d probably remember us because we’re probably the only fans who acted like he was a nobody as they passed him in a doorway ROTFL! Hey, old house daze will do that to you lol!

2. Growing up, we had a Siamese cat named Ling Ling who was super smart. He was truly a wonderful pet. Mother brought him home when I was six months old and he lived until I was 15 or 16.

One of Mother’s many pet peeves was not flushing the toilet after you used it. My brother and I regularly got our asses chewed off for there being pee in the toilet and it not being flushed. I would say that it couldn’t be me because there was no toilet paper in the toilet. My brother would say it wasn’t him because the toilet seat was down. Regardless, Mother thought she’d cover all her bases and just chew us both out for it.

One weekend, I had a friend spending the night. Mother knocked on my door softly and told us to quietly come out in the hall. We had no clue what was going on, but out we went into the hall. Mother said to hurry and peak in the bathroom, so we did. There, in all his glory, was Ling Ling – sitting on the toilet, peeing.

Yep, we had a cat that would use the toilet. We never did teach him how to flush though lol. All those ass chewings, and it was the cat peeing in the toilet the whole time. She would have never believed it if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes.

3. My husband and I met on a blind date. The only blind date I ever went on. The first time I saw him smile, I just knew he was the person I’d been searching for my whole life. He was also the last person I ever went on a date with .

4. I was so bored when we moved to AK, I taught myself HTML and started a website. In doing so, I was able to get a job with the company that eventually purchased my website.

5. When I was a kid, the movie The Black Stallion was popular. Several years after the movie, the horse from the movie was at the coliseum in Montgomery, AL. My best friend’s parents took us to see the horse and he was absolutely beautiful. Before the show, we were able to see him in his stable. We were pretty surprised to see that he wasn’t as big as the movie had made him appear. He was actually on the small side for an Arabian. Our second surprise was the fact that he wasn’t all black. Apparently he had a white spot on his forehead and two of his legs had white near the hoof. These spots were a bluish color from being dyed black before each show.

It was an amazing performance. My friend’s Dad always told us we could train our horses to do anything if we had enough patience, “You can train a horse to sit down at the supper table and eat supper with you – if you wanted to.” After seeing this horse, I believed him. The trainer took his halter off and with whistles and hand signals, this horse did stunt after stunt…and looked absolutely gorgeous the entire time. To this day, I’ve never seen another horse as beautiful as he was. I used to have pictures I’d taken with a Polaroid camera my Dad had given me. I have no idea where those photos are now though.

As far as tagging anyone – I think most everyone I read has already done this one. If you haven’t – give it a try and post a link to it in my comments so I can read your five things!

President Bush’s Speech

I know that by this time tomorrow, the left-wing nuts (both politicians and the media) will be full speed ahead, doing their best to condemn this new plan whether it deserves it or not. Of course, it will have nothing to do with the plan itself or that they have a better plan to ensure victory in Iraq. Their condemnation of the plan will have nothing to do with our national security, our nation’s future – or even remotely related to what is in our nation’s best interest. Their objections, their ranting and raving will be based on their continuous MAIN objective: political power. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Failure in Iraq is what they based their campaigns on in 2004 and 2006. A good plan – a change in strategy in Iraq that could achieve some real progress – well, while good news for our country (not to mention good news for Iraq and the entire middle east) is bad news for these left-wing fucktards. After all, they have 2008 to think about!! Anything positive to happen, well, that could possibly jeopardize their “Iraq is a complete failure” soapbox. They wouldn’t be able to use dead Soldiers and Marines as political grenades against Republican rivals if Iraq started to turn around.

It’s pretty sad when these left-wing idiots, our own citizens – not to mention elected officials, have themselves positioned where only our defeat in a war will help boost them politically. What’s truly disgusting is that their objections mirror Iran and Syria’s. Gosh, it must make them proud to sound LIKE OUR ENEMIES…